42 years...

...that's how long since I turned 18...it's also how many years I've been voting.

Today, for the very first time, the polls were packed. I've never seen the voting locations
so full for so much of the day. I've also never heard them be so quiet.

"Hey, Bob, how you doing?"
"Good, Jim, had to come out and counteract your vote."
Laughter.
Camaraderie. Neighbors good-naturedly teasing each other. Maybe asking how one another's wife or mother or kids were. But talking together as they waited in line.

Today. Today was eerily quiet. Somber. Sober. Frightening in the intensity of the silence.

Today - for the first time in a 42-year voting history, I was not proud to be American.

Today - for the first time in a 42-year voting history, I did not feel good about voting.

Today - for the first time in a 42-year voting history, I felt like crying as I looked at the ballot because the ideology that I believe in is missing from our political system. It appears that the campaign is more important than the country or the people.

Today - for the first time in a 42-year voting history, I was sad and hid my "I voted" sticker as soon as I got to my car.

It has been hours now since I voted. I'm sure polls have closed and votes are being tallied. My heart is broken. I cannot bear to watch the television. I am pretty sure that either the criminal or the crazy will be leading the race at any different time throughout the night. The high point of the day is when I remembered that no matter what happens tonight, when I wake up in the morning Barrack Obama will still be president of the United States of America and for the rest of this year I hope my loved ones will be safe.

I never expected to be ashamed of being an American, but this is as close as I've ever been to that and it's not a good feeling. I think I have to begin working on a way to make this a multiple party voting system. I think the electoral college needs to be abolished. I have no idea where to start. But, I never want to feel this hopeless again and I never want to be ashamed of my country or how it is represented in the world.

Namaste.